Just when you want to give up...

 

This weekend is our deployment weekend, also today is the 4 month anniversary of my baby Delilah's passing. I've been missing her so much lately it's been affecting my every day activities including my running and training overall.  The last couple of runs have been all over the place. I either do great or I have to talk myself out of giving up. With deployment activities my stress level has been really high and that also doesn't help me in my training. I've been averaging 2-3 hrs of sleep at night, not eating as well as I should and definitely not well hydrated.  The double wammy of missing Delilah and deployment is really killer.

During the Monday night run, i did great! I kept my pace for my 20 minute tempo and it was awesome, even thou I puked on the 4th loop.  But then on Tuesday I just felt like blah and couldn't get up at for spin class (also didn't hurt that Wendy was on vacation so didn't have her there to push me to go, push in a good way that is).  Then Wednesday I was really out of if, my emotions were at the worst and I still went to the last night of Winter Runners, and it showed it in my run.  I couldn't keep a good pace at all. I just wanted to give up but I did my 16 minutes out and back but no negative split here. I walked more than I wanted to the run back. I stayed a little for the bit after and had a slice of pizza and took a couple pictures then it was back home. It was then another night of no sleep, well I think I dozed on and off on the coach but nothing worth saying that I got some rest. Luckily I got to work from home on Thursday, but in hopes to be a little relaxed before go live I skipped my swim that night.

Since release means I have to start work at 2-3 pm on Friday until Saturday morning sometime, I knew I wouldn't be making it out to run with the group Saturday morning.  So I had no other choice but to do my long run Friday morning.  Even thou I tried to sleep in Payton had other ideas... Play while mommy sleeps and take a nap when mommy wakes up.  So at 930ish I was up and getting dressed and heading out the door for my 8 mile run. I kept going back and forth on what my plan was for today. Go east 1 then back 1 for warm-up then 2 out west and then back at race pace, then back east 1 and back for cool down... Then I kept thinking that will all the back and forth I would easily give up and just head home, so instead I made a simple out and back heading west.  The path was still in crappy conditions. There were so many holes and ice and muck that it just sucked and I feared rolling my ankles. I couldn't keep a good pace and again I started to talk myself out of it. Then I started to justify my crap run with the fact that I'm not sleeping, not eating and not being well hydrated.  I also realized I didn't have the auto lap feature on so I had to fix that just after mile 1... I just wasn't with it and my time was showing it.  After my warm-up I just moved to the street and gulped down my Gu.  Then I was off... I was really moving well, thankful for stable ground. Surprisingly my pace rocked it.  At 4 miles set to be at my race pace (11:27) I thought that would be doable, and trying not to walk would be the greatest challenge, but  I thought I could do it. Imagine my amazement that I was at a 10:38 - 11:04, with my overall pace at a 11:27.  WOW I guess I got my mojo once I left the path and it was awesome. I finished my run feeling great and realizing that I can totally do this. My music was my company and it kept me going. Thinking of my Delilah pushed me to be strong and get thru my miles. My baby girl will always be with me and I know that I can count of her to give me the strength and courage to complete all that lies ahead of me.

With this feeling of accomplishment, I finally buckled down and registered for Racine 70.3... No turning back now!!!

Prairie Path - Weekend Long Run by sandrade70 at Garmin Connect - Details